You have lost a child, and nothing in life makes sense.
This is exactly how it is supposed to feel. Losing a child is not the natural order of life. No parent is meant to outlive their child. So if you feel broken, know that your pain makes sense. I have been living in that same darkness since the morning I lost my son.
If you are emotionally sensitive like I am, no amount of “you’re not alone” will immediately make things better. When I joined child loss groups and saw so many parents suffering through this unimaginable pain, it did not bring peace. It hurt even more. Seeing others broken did not comfort me; it deepened my sorrow.
I was grateful for the vulnerability of those who shared their stories. But I could not gather the courage to share mine. That silence made me feel even more isolated. Even after a year, being in those spaces did not ease the weight. If anything, it intensified it.
That is why I will not focus on the details of how it happened. Instead, I want to focus on something gentler. How can you slowly, quietly begin to move toward healing.
After the passing of my beloved Shahryar, I did not want my story to end in sorrow. I wanted to honor him by turning my pain into something that might help another heart survive its storm.
Take a moment to reflect on how you might one day give your pain a purpose. I know it feels too early. It may even feel impossible. But when the time comes, even the smallest sense of purpose can become the reason you get through the day.
A few weeks after losing Shahryar, when I could not find a single source of comfort, I began to feel that this pain had to mean something more. I could not accept that I was meant to suffer endlessly without meaning. I had to find a way to honor the immense love I carried for my son.
He brought so much love and light into my life. He made me a better person every single day. His passing had to shape me just as deeply.
Every book I read. Every lecture I listened to. Every healing practice I tried. All of it became part of my effort, not just to survive, but to build something that might help others. That is how Healing Mothers began to take shape.
Your child is as precious to you as Shahryar is to me. Your pain carries meaning, even if you cannot see it yet.
You do not need to have everything figured out. Just hold one small purpose in your heart. You do not have to act on it now. Let it rest quietly within you.
And one day, when you are ready, you will begin to walk toward it.
With love,
Umm-e-Shahryar
Mother of Shahryar